“It’s just a white lie.” “Sometimes telling a little lie is kinder than telling the truth.” “It’s just business.” Is it okay to tell a little white lie? Let’s think about this a bit, why is it a white lie? Why not a red lie, a blue lie, or a black lie? Lo and behold, as I was researching colors of lies, I found a website that claims there are four colors of lies! What several websites claim though, is that a white lie is told to be polite to another person and a black lie is a lie one tells to benefit him/herself. I didn’t realize there was a “science” of lying. The fact is, lying is not acceptable in any form if we are living a life that is Christ-like. “Honesty is the best policy” needs to be the motto we live by.
If people tell white lies to be kind to someone, why is being honest with a person a kinder thing to do? For one thing, we need to know who the real author of lies is – Satan. Read the discussion between Jesus and the Jews, most likely leaders in the temple:
They answered and said to him, “Our father is Abraham.” Jesus said to them, “If you were Abraham’s children, you would be doing the works of Abraham. But now you are trying to kill me, a man who has told you the truth that I heard from God; Abraham did not do this. You are doing the works of your father!” [So] they said to him, “We are not illegitimate. We have one Father, God.” Jesus said to them, “If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God and am here; I did not come on my own, but he sent me. Why do you not understand what I am saying? Because you cannot bear to hear my word. You belong to your father the devil and you willingly carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in truth, because there is no truth in him. When he tells a lie, he speaks in character, because he is a liar and the father of lies. But because I speak the truth, you do not believe me. Can any of you charge me with sin? If I am telling the truth, why do you not believe me? Whoever belongs to God hears the words of God; for this reason you do not listen, because you do not belong to God.” John 8:39-47 (New American Bible, Revised Edition)
“Now the Lord Jesus came out openly and told them that the devil was their father. This did not mean that they had been born of the devil in the way believers are born of God. Rather, it meant, as Augustine said, that they were children of the devil by imitation. They showed their relationship to the devil by living the way he lived. ‘The desires of your father you want to do’ expresses the intention or tendency of their hearts.
The devil was a murderer from the beginning. He brought death to Adam and the whole human race. Not only was he a murderer, but he was a liar as well. He did not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he told a lie, he was merely speaking from his own resources. Lies formed a part of his very existence. He is a liar and the father of lies. The Jews imitated the devil in these two ways. They were murderers because the intention of their hearts was to kill the Son of God. They were liars because they said that God was their Father. They pretended to be godly, spiritual men, but their lives were wicked (MacDonald, 2016).”
We can see that telling any lie is not pleasing to God, because lies do not come from God. Instead, He desires honesty. This is where showing kindness through honesty is most definitely intentional. Isn’t it so much easier to tell a little white lie to save someone’s feelings? The truth is “no.” Instead, we tell the truth in kindness.
So what do you do when your best friend has just spent a fortune on a new pair of designer jeans and they are the ugliest pair of jeans you have ever seen? You tell the truth kindly. You could say something to the effect: “They are not something I would buy for myself, but if you like them and wearing them makes you feel happy, then I’m glad you bought them.” If your friend presses you asking, “but do you like them?” Then be honest. You can tell her, “I don’t like them for me.” And then change the subject if you can. Your friend may get angry with you, but then she is being manipulative. She wants you to like what she likes. Explain, that we don’t have to like the same things to be friends. This should be said in a steady tone of voice, even if she is angry. Hopefully, your friend will see your earnestness and come around to understanding your taste in clothes does not need to be the same.
Being honest is not easy. It takes tact, trust, gentleness and often, an even tone of voice. When building a relationship with a person, honesty is key. When we are totally honest with another person, that person depends on us for support.
An honest reply—
a kiss on the lips. Proverbs 24:26
This proverb is equating the kindness of an honest reply to a kiss of respect. In other words, being honest with another person shows that you respect that person enough to be honest with him/her.
Honesty is not just for personal relationships, but also in dealing in business and with the public. It is terrible that honesty has sharply lost its appeal in modern society. It seems we take dishonesty as a thing we just need to live with. We have seen so many corrupt politicians that we no longer respect them as people who want to change the world for good. We are inundated by misinformation on the internet so we have to teach our students how to critically look for honest sites. Advertisers prey upon consumers, promising results which they know are false in order to sell more. Even the media that is supposed to report the news without bias and honesty have been caught in tainting news for their own benefit.
But God calls us to be honest in all our dealings. We are to be honest in our business, in our politics, in our reporting of events and in all aspects of our lives. When we treat others with honesty, we are treating them with kindness. Being honest not only gives us a good reputation with those we come in contact with, it also shows kindness by respecting others.
Proverbs 11 has several things to say about honesty:
The honesty of the upright guides them;
the faithless are ruined by their duplicity. v. 3
The justice of the honest makes their way straight,
but by their wickedness the wicked fall. v.5
Choosing to be honest is beneficial. When you choose honesty, you choose kindness not only to others, but to yourself as well. Even though it can be a very difficult decision, honesty is always the right choice.
Another aspect of honesty is keeping one’s word. Keeping a promise is always an act of kindness. When we make a promise, we need to keep it –always. We don’t just keep a promise when it is convenient, or when a better offer comes our way. Keeping a small promise is just as important as keeping a big promise, such as a business contract. When we promise to have coffee with someone, then we need to show up at the appointed time and have coffee (or the drink of choice – I don’t drink coffee). We don’t blow them off and not show, or give that person a call at the last minute and give an excuse because we are tired or stressed. Of course, life does happen, the kids get sick and the car doesn’t start, but then we need to reschedule. A promise is a promise and keeping our promises is an act of kindness and honesty.
Being honest with others is an intentional act of kindness. By being honest, we are showing our friends and family we are members of God’s family. To be honest takes courage, gentleness and a genuine respect for others.
Resources
MacDonald, W. and Farstad, A. 2016. Believer’s Bible Commentary, 2nd Ed. Thomas Nelson. Retrieved from biblegateway.com, notes on John 8:39-47.
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