Being tough-skinned and tender-hearted is not an oxymoron. Rather, it is a mark of a maturing Christian. It hurts when someone offends you and often, we want to retaliate by getting our digs in as well. However, this is not what God has asked us to do. Instead, we are to pray for the person who has offended us – and with a forgiving heart as well! So how is this possible? Within ourselves, it isn’t. However, with the help of the healing power of Jesus and the forgiveness of God’s love it is possible.
When we are tough-skinned, we are not easily offended. This trait, most often comes with age and maturity. When we are young, or a new Believer, we feel too much pressure from our peers to conform. We are still trying to figure out who we are in Christ. When we question our identity, it is easily to be offended because we are not grounded in God’s all-encompassing love.
(Christian parents, it is so vital to teach your children that they are ultimately a child of God. Teach them that not only are they loved unconditionally by you, but more importantly, by the Creator of the Universe and their Maker. Help your children be confident in their identity as children of God.)
However, Believers are to stand firm in our faith, defending it as needed. This does not mean we are argumentative, but rather show unbelievers who God is by showing His love. Telling others about Jesus is not always well-received. There are times we will be made fun of and people will be downright ornery. When Jesus sent out the twelve disciples He told them:
“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves (Matthew 10:16).”
In other words, be tough-skinned and tender-hearted. Not only are we not to be easily offended, we are to use the brains God gave us in order to present the Gospel to all. To be shrewd in this instance is to show astute judgement. When we are spreading the Gospel, we need the Holy Spirit to show us who to speak with, what words to use, and to know when we have spoken what He wants us to say and then shut up. We are to encourage unbelievers and not make them feel guilty. However, there are times when we may be in harm’s way because an unbeliever has become exceedingly angry. We also need to know when to leave the conversation.
When speaking with someone hasn’t gone well, we need to especially have tough skin. We need to not take it personally, but have understanding that not everyone will accept Jesus as their Savior. Jesus knew this when He told the disciples:
“But beware of men for they will hand you over to the courts… and you will even be brought before governors and kings for My sake as a testimony to them and to the Gentiles. But when they hand you over, do not worry about how or what you are to say; for it will be given you in that hour what to say, for it is not you who speak, but it is the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you. You will be hated by all because of My name, but it is the one who has endured to the end who will be saved (Matthew 10:17-20, 22).”
We need to remember that it isn’t our job to bring an unbeliever over to “our way of thinking.” Rather, it is our job to present the Gospel and let the Holy Spirit work in that person’s heart so he/she accepts Jesus as his/her Savior. And if this person doesn’t accept Jesus? What then? Remove him/her from our Facebook friends? No. Keep praying for that person and keep showing God’s love to this person, if allowed to. Be tender-hearted toward this person. It just may be through your Godly actions over years that will bring this person to Christ.
By Godly actions, I do not mean having a holier than thou attitude. Just because we are Believers does not mean our walk with God is in right standing. Rather, we need to live our lives daily with intentionality, allowing God to transform our own hearts to be tender so that we may be sympathetic with our neighbors and be an encourager and a helper to all with whom we come in contact. A person may seem belligerent to us, but we don’t know what that person is going through. We need to ask God for His insight as to how we are to deal with such a person. Maybe we are to walk away, or maybe we are to speak calmly a word of encouragement, or maybe we are to be polite even though this person is not. What we are not to do is yell and carry on and continue to further the rage. This is not being tender-hearted. However, this is exactly when we also need to be tough-skinned as well as tender-hearted at the same time.
All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, compassionate [tender-hearted], forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
This can only be done through the peace-making power of Jesus Christ. Therefore, we need to continue to grow in our relationship with our Savior in order to be both tough-skinned and tender-hearted so that we may present the Gospel to all. To continued maturing in Christ!
Photo credit: Sanford, R. April 21, 2017, 2021. Nehemiah Project International Ministries. Seven Steps to Overcoming Spiritual Warfare in the Marketplace. Retrieved on Nov. 3, 2021 from https://nehemiahecommunity.com/be-marketplace-blog/wise-serpent-gentle-dove/.
