We like the mountain top experiences, but we don’t have one every day. In fact, when building a relationship with God, sometimes I think we get frustrated because our relationship with Him seems to become mundane. We want that mountain top experience. But think about it, our relationship with God is very much like a marriage. The day we accept Jesus as our Savior, is the ultimate high. Our wedding day is a day that hopefully is a mountaintop experience. Then, the couple goes through the honeymoon phase where they are still on the high of the mountain top. Then comes the first year and arguments that ensue as you give and take and learn how to live with another person. The first couple of years, you hit a routine with your spouse, but then also realize that to really have a happy marriage, it takes work. The same is true when we become a Christian and enter into a relationship with Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit. Oftentimes, we want to see the warm fuzzies from God every minute. The truth is, it takes two to build a relationship and we have to put our time in as well. We have to do the little daily things to grow our relationship with God.
Daily Building a Relationship
According to Brenner (2017, para. 5), there are seven building blocks for a great relationship. The first is trust. “…Erikson’s theory of the psychosocial stages of life involves trust versus mistrust.” It seems that the first aspect of a good relationship is to build trust with the other person. This makes sense, since if we don’t trust our partner or friend, then there will never be much of a relationship there in the first place.
The other building blocks Brenner discusses are commitment, intimacy, respect, communication, empathy and equality. These are no big surprise. It is nigh impossible to build a good relationship with someone if the two do not share these qualities between them. Brenner digs in a bit deeper concerning the quality of respect in which she states, “respect says, ‘What I see in you I hold as just as important as what I see in myself (para. 8).’” This is an important distinction from what we normally think of respect, as “He/She needs to respect me.” Here, respect is a mutual quality involving respect for someone else as well as for yourself.
All of these qualities don’t just happen though, we need to work on them daily. Someone who says, “It’s just the way I am, take it or leave it,” just doesn’t get it. We need to daily improve ourselves, regardless if we are in a relationship or not. Let’s face it, we all are in some kind of a relationship, whether it is with a spouse, lover, friend, colleague, acquaintance and including online relationships. Yes, this includes being polite in a chat room as well. The language of hate has no place in any relationship. This means we use our words and actions to show the positive aspect of these seven building blocks. We can even work on say, respect and empathy in particular with online acquaintances and dismiss our hate language each day. Instead of posting a hateful comment, try posting an encouraging comment. At the very least, you can agree to disagree with someone instead of bashing their head in, in a comment. Being kind and gracious are two qualities all humankind would benefit from if we all practiced them daily.
Building a Relationship with God
Building a great relationship with God really utilizes the six of the seven building blocks mentioned above. When a person decides to accept Jesus as their savior, he/she has shown that they trust their life, and the afterlife to God. Once we have become a child of God, He trusts us to want to grow in a relationship with Him and obey His will for our lives. It is important for us not to take our trust back, but learn to trust God for everything in our lives, from the food on the table and our daily activities to the profession He guides us to so that we may be viable citizens of His kingdom. Just like a new marriage, trust is more difficult at first, but as the years go by, it becomes second nature in the relationship.
Trust is the foundational building block of our relationship with God. Once we have the bricks of trust, commitment becomes the mortar that holds them together. We know that God is whole-heartedly committed to His children. From the promise He made to Noah that He would not destroy mankind again, and put the rainbow in the sky as a symbol of His promise, to Jesus telling us that He has gone to Heaven to prepare a place for us in John 14. Christians need to remember to commit to God and hold our relationship with Him in focus. We need to stand our ground when Satan in this world tries to knock us out of this relationship.
Communication and intimacy go hand-in-hand. Without communication there can be no true intimacy. Daily we talk to our husbands, wives and children. We therefore, become more intimate with them. It’s the same with God. If we are going to get to know God, we need to enter into communication with Him on a daily basis. I think God can feel left out when we don’t include Him into our lives after we have accepted His gift of eternal life. Think about it, how would the members of our families feel if we didn’t talk with them every day? Why do we think it is different with God? It isn’t. He wants to come into relationship with us, but He is not going to force us. We need to daily come into contact with God by reading the Bible, praying – and that means listening to Him as well as speaking. Sometimes, people pray to God like He is their fairy godmother to give them their wish list. But praying really is a conversation between us and God. We need to listen as well as talk. As we hear more of what God is telling us, and acting upon what He is telling us, we become more intimate with Him. Part of what makes an intimate relationship is getting to know someone well, that is, understanding them. The more we understand someone, the more we tend to see the world in the same way as them. This is what the result will be when we communicate with God daily.
Respect and empathy also tend to go hand-in-hand as communication and intimacy. When we mutually respect each other, we can start to have empathy for each other as well. We know God created us and by that fact alone, He has the ultimate respect for us, His creation. But we don’t often talk about respecting God. One way we can give God respect is by giving Him thanks every day for taking care of us, and for all He does for us. As we pray, we can also give Him respect by acknowledging who He is, the God of the Universe, our Creator, etc. The more we respect God, the more we align our being with His thoughts and attitudes concerning our lives and His purpose for us and others. Though we will never be able to have a total understanding of God’s thoughts and ways, we can have an inkling of His magnificence. This can only happen as we ask God for His will for our lives and walk with Him daily. He needs to be our focus. We need to consult Him on decisions, just as we would a friend or spouse. We need to ask Him for advice, and then act on that advice. We need to basically, treat God as our friend.
As a couple declares their love for each other after 50+ years of marriage, they often tell each other that they are more beautiful to each other than the day they first met. They cannot think of living life without each other, because they have daily made a life together that is hopelessly intertwined. They learned to daily trust, communicate, empathize, be committed, be intimate and respect themselves and each other. They had become inseparable. May it be so with our relationship with God. May you be in the long-term with your best friend, God. I pray that you stroll daily with God from today until you meet Him face to face in Heaven.
References
Brenner, A. April 26, 2017. 7 Building Blocks of a Great Relationship. Psychology Today.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201704/7-building-blocks-great- relationship
Photo credit: https://christianplanner.com/products/2020-christian-planner
*Note: I have been using the Christian planner shown above for the past year. It is so helpful in keeping my life focused to daily work on my relationship with God.
